Instagram seemed like the perfect showcase for A Photogenic Lifestyle.  But  if you’re a moving picture and camera shy, it’s difficult to pose.  It’s easier if you first determine what kind of style you want to project then create a mood board in your mind.

 So, after careful study, here are some suggestions on how to pose for fotos.

Pose 1: the Paolina Bonaparte Style is a semi-reclining pose and represents that kind of woman who goes to Paris just to hear the Seine flowing.  Works best if wearing perfume especially Yves Saint Laurent’s Opium.

Hashtags: #bella #semiseductive #opium #femmefatale #imsexyandiknowit

Pose 2: the Selfie Style represents the woman whose thoughts may be blurred but her selfies never are. Works best when listening to Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.

  A variation of this pose is that of standing in front of a full length mirror  to show off the outfit of the day or a really sexy body. The main difference is that you take a foto of the mirror and not of yourself.

Hashtags: #selfie #instagramers #outfitoftheday #narcissist #athazagoraphobia

Pose 3: the Lost My Lolita Looks Style represents a post-menopause woman whose chin has started to sag so she poses alà Rodin’s The Thinker.  But that doesn’t mean old mouths can’t make new smiles.

Pose 4: the Let’s Rattle My Bangles & Jam Style represents the woman who’s like a Gaudì mosaic—full of colorful fragments glued together.

Hashtags: #choller #bracelets #bangles #clinquant #tintinnabulation #stillhangingon

Pose 5: the Jane Birkin Purse Style represents the woman who can only feel unique by copying the style of rich celebrities.  The pose works best if the purse is empty.

Pose 6: the Semi-Akimbo Style represents an assertive woman who carves words with her mouth and is not afraid to look you straight in the eyes.

Hashtags: # lespritdelescalier #raconteur #alexithymia #adoxography

Pose 7: the Wallis Simpson Style represents the woman who has much money or  at least wants you to think so.  So you have to dress very elegantly and, in a nonchalant way, sit in elegant surroundings.  You can use a chair as a prop as Wallis Simpson used to do.

Hashtags: #luxury #luxuryliving #luxurylifestyle #millionaire #sybaritic  #ambition #inspiration #snob and, if you’re over 60, you may want to try #advancedstyle

Pose 8: the Pretend to be Pensive Style (not to be confused with the Aperitif Style) represents the woman who, regardless as to what it may seem, is not thinking about existential problems but simply about how wonderful it is to sleep on nice clean crisp cotton sheets.

Hashtags: #mood #moodyblues #poeticsofthought #rapsodic #cleansheets #ambedo #aspectabund

Pose 9: the Proper Lady Style represents the woman whose husband earns enough money for her to buy all the clothes she wants so  she has an Instagram account to prove it. This pose works best when thinking really naughty thoughts while keeping a straight face.

Hashtags: #outfitoftheday #bonton #beige #concinnous #gymnophobia

Pose 10: the Sitting on the Dock of the Bay Style represents the woman who paints her skies with watercolors and sleeps with a book of Neruda’s poems under her pillow in hopes of making her world magical. Or of finding a man to distract her from her melancholic thoughts.

Hashtags: #uncomfortablesittingpositions #anagnorisis #fernweh #lookingforloveinallthewrongplaces

Pose 11: the I Love to be Noticed Style is easily accomplished—all you have to do is stand in an unnatural position in an out of the way place.

Hashtags: #jaunty #sassy #akrasia #perky  #raffish #egocentric #mamasdontletyourbabiesgrowuptobecowboys

Pose 12: the Scarfie Style represents the versatile woman who can tie a scarf in numerous ways.

Hashtags: #scarves #fashionista #moreballsthansnow

Other:

If you are not well-known and don’t have many followers for your Instagram account, why not surf Instagram leaving comments as bait for attention. Exclamation marks are always suggested as they demonstrate enthusiasm.

Suggested comments you can leave:  Gorgeous! Graceful! Classy! Stunning! Sophisticated! Awesome! Sensational! Fab! Smashing!

But if these type comments are too boring for you, here are some alternatives (foreign words help to jazz it up a bit):  Rocambolesco! (Italian for fantastic, incredible), Charmant (French for charming), Spellbinding!, Scintillante! (Italian for sparkling), Incantevole! (Italian for enchanting), Peregrine! (foreign, coming from afar), Intriguing!, Beguiling!

And, for cheap thrills, check out my Instagram account (and don’t forget to leave a comment!).

Appendix:

akrasia: acting against one’s better judgment

adoxography: writing skillfully about a totally unimportant subject

alexithymia: a difficulty in expressing your feelings

ambedo: lost in a melancholic trance

anagnorisis: the moment of discovery or recognition

aspectabund: having an expressive face

athazagoraphobia: the fear of being forgotten

choller: a double chin or a dog’s hanging lip

clinquant: glittering with gold or tinsel

concinnous:  neat and stylistically congruous

fernweh: a craving to go someplace you’ve never been to before

gymnophobia: the fear of nudity

l’esprit de l’escalier: coming up with the right thing to say once it’s too late

raconteur: someone who’s good at telling stories

rattlepated: giddy, empty-headed, lacking sense of direction

sonder: to probe as if looking for the meaning of what’s below the surface