Since November 1st, the way I experience the world has drastically changed. I am still coming to terms with this new reality. My mind contaminates my body with its struggles.
I have the feeling that I am trying to go somewhere using an out-dated map creating a continual state of disorientation.
During this summer’s heatwave, I slept with my head at the foot of the bed to be nearer the balcony’s opened doors. The air made me feel less suffocated. However, if I had to get up during the night in total darkness, I had trouble orientating myself. I would automatically try to turn on the nightstand light as I always do only the nightstand wasn’t there. Often, in my own bed, I would panic wondering where I was simply because my point of reference had changed. Taken out of my normal context, I was lost.
This sensation of being out of place is now happening outside of my bed, too. I no longer know where I am in context to the rest of the world making orientation difficult. For example, I get really lost with certain reactions to Covid vax mandates. It seems half of the world refuses to acknowledge the other half of the world. Why?
We are Darwinian failures in terms of social evolution. I feel surrounded by amoebic beings who, instead of interrelating with others to create a healthy society, simply continue to reproduce themselves. And they are doing it at such a rapid pace that I am frightened that they will soon take over the planet. Maybe the apes will save us.