I went to the woods to pick some flowers. While standing next to a tall cypress with a bouquet of daises in my hand, a big beam zapped me up into the sky. I felt my molecules swirl around as if they were in a blender ready to whip out margaritas.

When I got inside the spaceship, it was obvious that my abductors were not pleased. They kept pointing at me and shaking their heads. Then, without moving their lips, they put a voice in my head that said “you’re too old for our experimentation” and quickly zapped me back home.

So that’s just one more positive thing about getting older—aliens don’t want to make babies with you.

Too bad they kept my bouquet, though.

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