There are those times when we need to defend our ideals. But not everyone has great communications skills. Some have problems articulating what they need to say. Others are easily flustered when in a conflictual situation. That’s why it’s necessary to learn how to defend your ideals by developing a few basic communication skills.
Around the time of the last 2024 presidential debate, it was necessary that I have a serious discussion with an alpha male. I’d already learned some years before that, when discussing with a man about something important, it’s necessary not to cry and/or raise your voice. It’s also important to moderate the pace and tone. Because to see a woman calm and in control freaks men out and will get their attention.
So, using the info I already had combined with what I’d seen from Kàmala, I was ready to present my case. And it went magnificently. That’s why I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned:
Preparation is fundamental. If you must have an important “discussion”, write it out first. Writing is important because it forces us to articulate an idea. When we think about something, we do so in a very abstract way. Just because we have feelings does not mean we know how to express them. That’s why when we finally have a chance to speak our mind, we often fumble and then feel like fools. Preparation can tremendously help here.
Write it out and then be the editor of your own words. Narrow down what you have to say to just a few points. Simplify the language as much as possible. It will have more impact and will be easier for you to remember what it is you need to say.
Polititians, even those with years of experience, use teleprompters. If you easily become emotional, why not take your notes with you.
Set the mood. Be assertive but not aggressive.
Men have claimed for centuries that women are too emotional to oversee anything. But we have seen, especially in recent years, that it’s generally the opposite that’s true.
A face can say a thousand words. Learn to use the power of facial expression. Words are not as powerful as hard-core eye contact at the right moment.
Know those words that will distract and disorientate your listener. Words that will impose themselves so strongly on his ego that he will have difficulties contradicting you. Because all his psychic energy will be aimed towards disclaiming what you’ve said.
Kàmala’s trigger words were “rally size”.
After you’ve presented your “speech”, excuse yourself and politely walk away. No lingering allowed. You’ve said what you had to say and now “The quieter you become, the more you can be heard.” Rumi
Just because a man needs you doesn’t mean that he loves you.
Ariadne was the daughter of the Cretan king, Minos. Like most men of wealth and power, Minos was greedy. When sent a beautiful white bull from the sea meant to be sacrificed for Poseidon, Minos decided to keep the bull for himself. Poseidon was not pleased, and, like most gods, he was vindicative. To punish Minos, Poseidon had Pasiphae, Minos’ wife, fall in love and mate with the bull. This strange affair produced an offspring that was half man and half bull later known as the Minotaur. The Minotaur’s real name was Asterius and he was a cannibal.
As punishment for killing his son, Minos had forced the people of Athens to send him sacrificial victims for the Minotaur. Theseus had been sent to Crete as one of the potential sacrifices. But everything changed when, before being sent into the labyrinth, Theseus met and wooed the young and naïve Ariadne. Illiterate in love, she immediately fell for Theseus and decided to help him escape the Minotaur even if it meant putting her own life in danger. Ariadne gave Theseus a ball of yarn that, once tied to the entrance, was released little by little as Theseus walked. Like Hansel and Gretal who’d left pebbles to mark their way, it provided a means for Theseus to find his way out of the labyrinth once the minotaur was slain.
After they were safely out of the labyrinth, Theseus and Ariadne escaped towards Naxos. But once there Theseus dumped Ariadne and sailed for Athens without her.
Ovid’s Metamorphoses
Ovid was born 80 miles east of Rome in 43 BC. His father had sent him to Rome to learn rhetoric so Ovid could become a lawyer. Too bad for his dad that Ovid wanted, instead, to become a poet. Maybe it had something to do with his hormones. By the time he was thirty, Ovid had already been married three times. He had sex on the brain and primarily wrote erotic poems in elegiac meter. His “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) gave instructions on love and seduction making him a very popular poet. But after all the Cleopatra scandals, Emperor Augustus wanted to push moral and social reform. Ovid’s erotic poetry was not compatible with the emperor’s new moralism. Augustus took offense at Ovid’s lecherous writings and ordered that his books be burned and that Ovid be exiled (note that this is Augustus of the Ara Pacis who was supposed to be such a fair guy). Ovid was sent to a small town in what’s now modern-day Romania.
Despite all his pleas, Ovid was never allowed to return to Rome and, instead, forced to died far away from home.
While banished on the shores of the Black Sea, Ovid completed his finest work, Metamorphosis, an epic poem that chronicles the world from creation to the death of Julius Cesear.
The theme of Metamorphoses is revealed in the title. Metamorphoses is a book about transformation. It’s a book that explores the concept of change. If you don’t like something, just change it. This includes yourself. But be careful because your transformation will affect others.
Some transformations that happened in Metamorphoses:
Niobe was insecure. This made her brag a lot and minimize others. At the celebration in honor of Leto, Niobe bragged that, unlike Leto who only had two kids, she had 14. Apollo and Artemis, Leto’s two kids, did not take kindly to their mom being dissed in public. To defend her honor, Artemis murdered Niobe’s daughters and Apollo murdered Niobe’s sons. Overwhelmed by the death of her children, Niobe fled to Mt. Sipylus where she was turned into stone (as described by Pausanias).
Because Niobe is remembered for the tragic loss of her children and for having been transformed into stone, representations of her are often used as tombstones for children’s grave such as these at Rome’s Verano Monumental Cemetery.
Daphne was a very beautiful nymph. Unfortunately, Apollo, with the help of Cupid’s arrow, had the hots for her. Daphne ran and called out to her dad, the river god Peneus, for help. Her dad turned Daphne into a laurel tree but that didn’t stop Apollo’s passion. He stroked her limbs and picked her leaves and declared that he would wear them in his hair. And from then on laurel crowns would be worn on the heads of the royal and the victorious. (Even now, in Italy, graduating university students wear wreaths of laurel on their heads).
Galatea was a statue created by Pygmalion. Pygmalion, sculptor and king, was such a misogynist that he’d promised himself a life of celibacy. To keep from thinking about sex, he’d stay awake at night sculpting stone. Since no perfect woman existed, he decided to create one for himself. Pygmalion worked day and night on the statue and fell in love with it once it was finished. He named it Galatea meaning “she who is milk white” then hungrily kissed her mouth and caressed her breasts. Of course, having been made from stone, Galatea was cold and could not return his effusions.
Aphrodite’s feast was approaching. Pygmalion went to her temple and begged the goddess to turn his statue into a real woman. Impressed by his begging and the beauty of the statue, Aphrodite consented. When Pygmalion returned home, Galatea ran to kiss him on the mouth. A short time later, the ex-statue and her creator were married.
George Bernard Shaw liked this story so much that he reimagined it and wrote Pygmalion (which was later reimagined for the film My Fair Lady which was later reimagined for Pretty Woman).
Transformations can be physical but psychological as well.
“The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not the way she behaves but the way she is treated.” Eliza Doolittle
Ovid had been physically exiled but women were mentally exiled every day then as they are now. Women also know much about physical transformation thanks to menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause. But they also know about how, not living in a society compatible with your own biology, you must constantly adapt and change.
Since men have always been the ones to set the standards, today many women writers are rewriting history to make it their own. Many are rewriting Greek mythology from a female point of view. One such mythographer is Marina Warner. Intrigued by Ovid, Marina has reimagined him from a female point of view. In her short story “Adriane After Naxos”, Marina describes Adriane’s life after Theseus.
She’s living on an island just for women. There’s a convent there populated by women who wanted to get away from the male dominated world. It’s a celibate community that observes a rule of silence. The island is lush with an abundance of food. Trying to keep a paradise in order is not easy. “So much fruitfulness: like a wave, its greatest expansion is also its breaking point., when the fruit will lose the shape that gives it its identity, its integrity.”
The eldest member of the community is Hypatia, a philosopher and astronomer who once lived in Alexandria. Having had more experience with life, the women count on her for advice.
One morning Ariadne was scanning the sea when she saw a boat sailing towards the island bringing with it news that would shock her. The Minotaur had not been killed after all by Theseus, just neutered. Now a botanist and vegan, the Minotaur cruised the islands looking for plant specimens. That’s how he arrived on the island where Ariadne was living, an island inhabited only by women. These women had worked hard to have a place of their own where they weren’t intimidated or imposed upon by men. Thus they were not pleased about having a mutated male bull on their island of refuge. However, Hypatia said, “we have no quarrel with men who have no quarrel with us.”
The decision as to whether or not the Minotaur could stay would all depend upon how he answered this question:
“Who is superior, the man or the woman?”
Hypatia knew that a man, simply because he is a man, would answer “a man”. But, to get what he wanted from a woman, a man might lie and say, “a woman”.
Instead, the Minotaur responded like this: In botany there’s a phenomenon known as enantiomorphosis. It is a phenomenon widespread in nature. On a vine the tendrils twist one way as they leave the stem, they twist another way to fasten themselves; in the center, where they meet, the spirals stop, and the join shows no kink. The horns of a deer mirror similarity one to another as do pairs of tusks, pairs of wings, and even our own pairs of hands.
Women already knew that women and men are mirrored opposites, the same but different. Like looking in a mirror, we know ourselves only via reflection.
The women voted and decided that the Minotaur’s had been a fair reply. Therefore, he was allowed to stay on the island to collect plant samples.
Marianne North (1830-1890), Jane’s friend, was a botanist and artist. But, when health problems prohibited her from travelling, Jane offered to swing around the jungle to collect plants specimens for her.
In her haste to help out, Jane forgot to bring some rope. So, once in the jungle, she used lianas, high climbing woody vines that Tarzan and the other Jane used to swing on, too.
Jane had enthusiasm but no experience when it came to vine swinging. But she quickly learned that the tension of her own body hanging on the vine was what made it possible for her to swing back and forth.
Learning how to control tension and gravity had transformed Jane into a swinger.
Swings for the Rococo
Marie-Anne Gérard (1745-1823) was born in Grasse, the same town where Grenouville of Patrick Suskind’s Perfume became a mass murderer. Marie-Anne enjoyed drawing and studied with Jean-Honoré Fragonard. And, as it often happens, the student fell in love with the teacher and the teacher with the student. Fragonard and Marie-Anne were married in 1769 and, although Marie-Anne was a talented miniaturist, she had to give up her art to take care of kids and household chores. In 1778, her 14-year-old sister, Marguerite, came to live with them and became Fragonard’s assistant.
Although Marie-Anne had made many exceptional miniature portraits, they were often accredited to her husband.
The French Revolution exiled or guillotined many of the aristocrats who’d been clients of Jean-Honoré Fragonard. This provoked Fragonard to leave Paris with his family and go back to his point of departure, Grasse.
Jane had been much intrigued by Fragonard’s painting “The Swing” (“l’Escarpolette”) quite entertaining andd decided to use her rope to make a swing for herself.
To swing is to fluctuate back and forth as if trying to decided where to go.
Giacomo Balla (1871-1958) was only nine years old when his dad died. His mom now had to fight to survive. Nevertheless, she made her son’s education a priority.
Monuments should be made world wide dedicated to Single Moms. Just think about all the men (and women) who became successful thanks to their mom’s sacrifices.
Once out of secondary school, Balla attended the Albertina, the Academy of Fine Arts in Turin. Here Balla was bombarded with new ideas that gave his mind a new direction. And another new direction presented itself when, in 1895, Balla moved to Rome with his mom. Here he worked for several years as an illustrator, caricaturist, and portrait painter.
In 1909, artist Fillipo Tommaso Marinetti wrote “Manifesto of Futurism” which, he stated, was “aimed to liberate Italy from the weight of its past.” The Futurist movement glorified modernity with an emphasis on dynamism, speed, and technology. Balla became a part of this movement.
In 1904, Balla married Elisa Marcucci. The couple had two daughters: Luce (Light) and Elica (Propeller).
Balla, intrigued by Etienne-Jules Marey’s chronophotographs that showed the body in motion, wanted to depict light, movement, and speed in his paintings. In 1912, Balla used his rope for “Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash.” His intention was to show that the world is in constant motion even if we don’t perceive it.
The Futurist movement, identified with Fascism, began to make Balla feel claustophobic. He felt the need to detach himself from it and to return to figurative painting. In Rome, Balla prefered staying at home and creating art with his daughters. See photos of their home here: Motionless Futurists.
How Rope was used for the Thief:
Some dudes are into bondage. Don’t understand it. If you want to tie someone up, tie up a crook. That’s what Jane says.
After her mother’s death, Dorothy was separated from her siblings and sent to live with a second cousin. She was only seven years old. At 16, she was sent off to her grandparents where, for the first time in nine years, she reestablished contact with her siblings.
Dorothy Wordsworth was the sister of William Wordsworth, the poet. In 1797 the two moved to Somerset. Samuel Taylor Coleridge was their neighbor and the three became a trio. A year later, Wordsworth and Coleridge, with input from Dorothy, were publishing poetry as well as hiking together. Wordsworth’s “Tintern Abbey” was inspired by these walks.
In 1802, Wordsworth married but that didn’t keep him from hiking with Dorothy. Or with Coleridge. In Coleridge’s words, together they were ‘Three people, but one soul’. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that as Dorothy had a crush on him. For a while, Coleridge was part of the Wordsworth household. But all that opium had exasperated the negative aspect of his personality. He was picky about everything including his food. And it was Dorothy who was doing all the cooking and cleaning.
Dorothy enjoyed climbing. In 1818, she climbed Scafell, England’s highest peak. It was a daring thing for a woman to do at the time. She was even more daring by writing about it. Because climbing a peak was a form of rebellion. And women who wanted to be emancipated were frowned upon.
Dorothy’s advice for lady climbers: make sure to look closely at what’s around you when climbing. If you start to fall, you may need something to hold on to.
The Drifter
In 1816, the Medusa wrecked off the coast of Senegal. After the wreck, about 147 survivors were set adrift on a hastily constructed raft. There were elements of scandal in this survival and the people wanted to know more. A few years later, 23-year-old Theodore Géricault painted The Raft of the Medusa representing the wreck and its survivors.
One survivor was Charlotte Picard, an 18-year-old woman travelling with her family. Of her nine family members on board, only four survived. After adrift on the raft for ever so long, she woke up next to her mom on the ground being stared at by dark skinned bearded men sitting on camels. The ladies immediately fainted. When they came to, one of the men explained that they were really Irishmen disguised as Arabs.
Charlotte and her group were forced to live in Senegal for the next two years. But, once back in France, Charlotte published her memoirs describing what it was to survive a shipwreck.
Jane read Charlotte’s book. It inspired her to write, in a life coach style, a book about drifting. Some drift with a purpose, some do not. Some drift intentionally, others are simply lost. But if you must drift, this is Jane’s advice: It’s ok to drift but only if you have a rope long enough to keep you tied to something stable.
No matter how big of a boat, you still need an anchor.
The Narrative Within 