Confession of an Abductee

Posted on December 2, 2020 by Art for Housewives

I went to the woods to pick some flowers. While standing next to a tall cypress with a bouquet of daises in my hand, a big beam zapped me up into the sky. I felt my molecules swirl around as if they were in a blender ready to whip out margaritas.

When I got inside the spaceship, it was obvious that my abductors were not pleased. They kept pointing at me and shaking their heads. Then, without moving their lips, they put a voice in my head that said “you’re too old for our experimentation” and quickly zapped me back home.

So that’s just one more positive thing about getting older—aliens don’t want to make babies with you.

Too bad they kept my bouquet, though.

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Aloft

Posted on November 30, 2020 by Art for Housewives

An alligator’s brain wouldn’t even fill a tablespoon. But the little that’s there is very cunning.

To trick birds looking for materials to build their nest, alligators will balance sticks on their heads. And as the birds lower themselves to take the sticks, the alligator will open its jaws and eat them alive. Chomp!

But birds have their tricks, too. They build their nests in the trees overlooking the alligator hangout because it assures them that nest-raiding racoons and possums will stay away. But the big-jawed bodyguards expect to be paid. And this payment comes in the form of chicks that accidentally fall from their nest or because they’ve been pushed out by their parents as a form of birth control.

Yin yang.

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Omphaloskepsis

Posted on November 29, 2020 by Art for Housewives

Orangels have bellybuttons. That’s why they’re called “navel”.

For the Greeks, Delphi was the center of the universe. To make it easily identifiable, Zeus place a geodetic mark there– a stone known as an omphalos. “Omphalos” in Greek means “navel”.

The Greeks believed that omphalos stones facilitated communication with the gods. But if you don’t have such a stone lying around, try using your belly button. It’s called omphaloskepsis or navel gazing. Staring at your belly button was once considered a form of meditation.

“Satyres in Atlante” is a group of statues located at the Louvre representing four satyres with their heads bent in order to contemplate their navels. But times have changed and contemplation of one’s belly button is no long considered a mystical experience. Today the term “navel gazer” is intended for someone so fixated with himself that he has difficulties contemplating the world around him.

So maybe I can just stare at some oranges for the same effect?

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Squoze

Posted on November 28, 2020 by Art for Housewives

Stress has been provoking my blood pressure. I’ve read that hand gripping exercises can lower it although it’s not clear why. Maybe it’s because the repetitive motion of squeezing and unsqueezing improves blood vessel elasticity.

At the market I saw some nice juicy oranges just waiting to be squeezed.

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Versailles

Posted on November 27, 2020 by Art for Housewives

Versailles’ Bassin d’Apollon was designed by Charles Le Brun, originator of the Louis XIV style.

Louis XIV was known as the Sun King thus linking him to the sun god, Apollo. In the fountain, Apollo is seen coming out of the water with his four horse chariot. Unfortunately, the pompous Le Brun made the mistake of depicting Apollo rising in the west rather than in the east making it difficult for the sun to know should it stay or should it go.

And while the sun god was trying to decide which direction to go in, Triton rose from the waters and splashed him away.

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